The day of Love!
by The awesome aog
Summary: In which Mary fails at cooking and Seto fails in general... Or does he? WARNING: Cracky, Random and EPIC FAIL! Romance


_I don't even…_

 _Warnings; Random, cracky, fluff-sort of,lolz-y, almost swearing_

* * *

"It's Valentine's day, the day of love."

The quote was plastered everywhere in the mall, on balloons, on shopping bags and signs. All of which were pink, along with the pink streamers, pink uniforms for the staff and pink heart shaped cut out stands. Basically it was a glob of pink, every girly girl's paradise. Oh, the blessing of being colorblind… but that wouldn't get rid of the frills.

Damn you, saint Valentine.

"They really over did it with the Valentine stuff this year," Kano commented casually, wildly swinging the shopping bad in his hand to-and-fro.

"Stop that!" Kido, who was feeling somewhat intimidated by the decorations, snapped, "You'll break something."

Mary piped in, curious, "Valentine?"

Kano had a very wise, very knowing look, "Valentine's day, my dear padawan, is when-," He was cut off abruptly by a familiar hand. A painful hand. Kido's hand.

Kido's other hand was busy cheerfully twisting Kano's arm behind his back.

"Kido!" he whined, "I haven't even said anything yet!"

"Regardless," Kido replied coolly, "We all know you're going to say something stupid and perverted."

"Mean-," Kano managed before Kido proceeded to beat him up further.

Mary turned to Seto when it became clear she wouldn't get the information from Kano, "what's Valentine's day?"

'Guess she didn't have any romance books at her old home,' Seto rubbed the back of his head, unsure of himself, "Well, Valentine's day is the day where- where people celebrate love! Y'know?"

Mary blinked at him.

Seto repressed a sigh, "Okay, how do I put this-," Seto paused to tap his chin, "- do you know what romantic love is?"

A blank look.

Seto faltered, "R-right. It's- look over there!" Seto pointed and Mary complied.

"What am I looking at?" Mary asked innocently.

"Over there," Seto gestured, "See those people, the ones holding hands? They're in _love."_

"What's love?" Mary questioned, intrigued, not taking her eyes of the couple.

 _'Damn; these questions are getting harder and harder.'_

"Love is- love is-," Why was this so hard? It was simple really. _'What was love?'_ He could quote cheesy lines from one of those Romantic Comedies, Shoujo Manga or Soap Operas, and Mary would have, no doubt, been left satisfied.

N-not that he and Kano watched/read those when Kido was grocery shopping and Mary at her job. Nope. He was a manly man. And manly man didn't like romance, right? Totally.

But, anyway, to the point-

With Mary starring at him with those big, sweet, naive eyes, he couldn't bring himself to say just _anything._ "Love is when you care about someone a lot. Enough that you would die for them," Mary looked mildly startled. "Not that you'd _want_ to die for them," Seto corrected himself, "But to save them –or something. Love is when you want to live for someone. When you _know_ someone and that someone knows you, and you accept each other each other, flaws and all. Being with that person makes you indescribably happy! And their smile," Seto continued, breathless, "their smile is the most magical thing in the world."

Blushing, Seto turned to look at Mary and gauge her reaction. She looked awestruck, "Seto, I-I think I know what love is."

Seto heard a sound and turned to look at the other two. Kido and Kano, who were both looking (grudgingly?) impressed, had stopped fighting and were now clapping slowly.

Seto let out a nervous chuckle.

* * *

"I'm home!" Seto called, closing the door behind him. Mary popped her head out from the kitchen doorway of the kitchen, "W-welcome home!" The girl looked flushed, probably from the heat of the stove, and was sweating all over. She raised an arm to wipe off her brow. It was then that he noticed the _(SO CUTE! OMG, I WANT ONE!)_ apron she was sporting.

"Um, Mary, what are you doing?"

Mary smiled back at him, "I'm cooking with danchou! I'll be out in a minute. Wait for us in the dining room, okay? I have a surprise for you!"

"Sure," Seto nodded, "No problem." And moved to the room.

He sat on the couch with a plop, too tired to manage any grace. He sighed. _'What are Mary and Kido are making?'_ he wondered absentmindedly. He began thinking of possibilities but was shaken out of his thoughts by an …otherworldly screech-

-coming from the kitchen!

Seto stood up, alert, immediately, "Guys, you okay in there?" he shouted, concerned.

"Oh, I'm fine! Don't come in here please!" Mary called back, happily.

"Okay…!" Seto sat down again, unceremoniously as ever. Something about this gave him a bad feeling. …Was that an "eye of newt" being muttered?

With every "All hail the glow cloud", ghostly shriek and …bat (?) noise he grew more nervous. The shining, glowing, eerie light and occasional smoke emitting from the kitchen door certainly didn't help. "But," Seto thought realistically, "This is anime, this stuff happens all the time."

After fifteen more minutes of overly drawn out, badly written, agonizing waiting, Mary emerged from the kitchen, fluffy yellow hair, fluffy, with plate in hand. She approached him with purpose and placed _it_ in front of him. "It's chocolate" She informed him brightly, beaming.

Seto looked at the dish and nearly started drooling. It was perfect, heavenly, glowing (literally) CHOCOLATE. (There are times when all caps is necessary and this is one of those times) _The look, the smell,_ hell, he could practically _hear_ it whispering, "I'm awesome~"

Just before he could dive into bliss, Mary stopped him, "Before you eat the chocolate Seto-kun, I need to ask you an important question. Did you break the forth wall."

"Huh? What wall?"

"Never mind. You can eat."

After placing the (glorious-oh, so glorious) CHOCOLATE in his mouth, his stomach registered the taste, bile rose up and Seto slammed a hand over his mouth, "oh, shi-"

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mary pressed.

"I'm sure," Seto smiled weakly back fro his place at the toilet seat. Mary, frowned, sighed and left the bathroom.

After a very thorough mouth wash session, Seto had finally gotten the taste of CHOCOLATE out of his mouth. In retrospect, Seto shouldn't have eaten them in the first place; they were GLOWING and Seto knew from experience not to eat glowing things, but that's another story.

On a different note, Nary had looked so disheartened when he threw up her CHOCOLATE that he wanted to hug her but didn't 'cause he was covered in vomit and that would be gross

So now, where did that leave him? Ugh-

Seto decided it was time to stop thinking and start getting into the shower.

* * *

Seto was now squeaky clean thanks to the shower - and Mr. Ducky, you can't forget Mr. Ducky- and thus free to hug Mary (Not that he'd want to to. Maybe. They were just friends. Maybe.)

He knocked before entering Mary's room, and, when she didn't answer, he went in. He found her with her chin in one hand and a book, clenched tightly to her chest, in the other, a defeated look on her face and eyes downcast.

"Mary?" He prompted carefully.

"Hi, Seto," Mary responded, glum.

Seto made his way to her bed and sat down next to her slowly, "What's wrong?"

"My present; I spent so long on those chocolates. They were for Valentines day," she explained, upset, "They were meant to show how much I love you."

Seto thought it best to voice his thoughts, _"L-love?!"_

"Yes," Mary turned to look at him, voice soft, "My feelings for you are the same as you described earlier. _It's love._ "

"I see," Seto tried to dispel the heat from his cheeks and failed. Then he remembered Mary, "Well, they didn't taste _that_ bad (it was worse, actually) and it's the thought that counts. Besides, it's still technically Valentines day."

"You're right," and a strange, out of character look spread on Mary's face, "It _is_ still the day of love."

Seto nodded and continued, "That's righ-" but was cut off by soft, pink lips pressing against his own.

After a second or two, Mary pulled back, blush dusting her cheeks, "If I'm not mistaken that's another way to show love."

At first, Seto was too stunned to speak, then he caught sight of the book in Mary's hand and then became more speechless.

It was a very, _very_ raunchy (Seto would know, he'd read it) R-18, hentai, shoujo manga.

'Oh, shi-'

-and then they made out.

 _-Fin-_

* * *

 _A/N: Well, that was... What was that? O.o  
_

 _Firstly, I will love anyone who gets my little easter egg!_

 _I don't see Seto as the manly man type, neither do I see Shintaro... or Hibiya-_

 _Kano and Haruka are little more so- though I can see Kano liking romance-y shoujo... XD_

 _Mary probably doesn't know anything much about love or romance since I doubt her mother kept her mother kept those sorts of books around the house, so she definitely goes about it the wrong way. And when she does get that kind of exposure...well let's just say it's less than appropriate._

 _I'll probably write a one shot for each of the mainstream couples before any multichappies. NEXT HIBIHYO!_

 _I REALLY REALLY want to write a Harutaka or KanoKido; I swear those two are ADORBS. Their conflict is just-_

 _Okay, enough rambling!_

 _Feedback of anykind is love ;3_


End file.
